


working through the unimaginable

by astrangetypeofchemistry



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Death of an Original Character, M/F/F, Other, feelings of betrayal, secrecy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 02:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13965822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrangetypeofchemistry/pseuds/astrangetypeofchemistry
Summary: Alya suffers, from the death of her child, and from the feelings of betrayal that follow.





	working through the unimaginable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Megatraven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megatraven/gifts).



> enjoy this angst ride l m a o and also don't expect quality writing out of _me_

Alya can’t look her significant others in the eyes.

Her hands shake in their presence, her throat gets really dry, and her heart beats in rhythm with her mind screaming. They shoot her furtive looks, walk on eggshells with her, ask her _how are you doing honey_ and _are you okay with this_.

She wishes they’d asked her that before the decision was irreversible.

* * *

More than anything, she remembers chasing after Ladybug.

She remembers running down streets with her phone out to record, her mind imagining just all the things she could ask Ladybug. Asking _can I be a superhero too_ never crossed her mind, but Ladybug granted that wish all on her own.

Her superhero career wasn’t a career at all. She had a few appearances as Rena Rouge, just enough for her to play a crucial role in a moment of desperation before it was taken away from her. It took time, but she learned to not be bitter about it.

And then she found out the people who constantly teased her with glimpses of the power she could control were the people she’d pledged her life to, but she continued smiling, because she’d learned life was unfair to her.

* * *

Their child’s funeral rips her into pieces.

Never in her life had Alya told herself she’d be standing here, looking into a casket and knowing that her sweet, sweet Neo, who’d come home on their thirteenth birthday and said “use they/them pronouns for me,” would never smile toothily at her. Would never again call her _A-Mom_ with that mischievous lilt, or hug her from behind when they could tell she was stressed.

Nino and Marinette give eulogies, speaking on her behalf, and Alya tries not to let the burn in her throat manifest into hatred for them. Tries to keep her tears to be those of sorrow.

Tries not to think of them as the reason her child is dead.

* * *

Late at night, when her tears her drying and her eyes are burning, she’ll wonder why they didn’t bother to include her in the decision. Nino told her he never intended for either of them to figure out, but Marinette puzzled her way through it after piecing the signs together.

She wonders what stopped them from including her in the secret then.

Marinette may have recognized the silver ring that rest on Neo’s finger, but Alya did not. So when her coworker barged into her office with pity in his eyes, crying softly as he told Alya that Chat Noir was _dead_ , and the hero was her _child_ , she was the only one taken aback.

Nino and Marinette may have been mourning, but it was nowhere near what Alya was feeling.

* * *

The decision to leave is abrupt.

She’s sitting in her bedroom, staring out the window. She knows Marinette and Nino are out, have been all day. Just the previous day, she’d cried while packing away Neo’s stuff.

It’s been months since Chat Noir’s death, since Neo’s funeral, since the heavy weight of betrayal on Alya’s chest began weighing her down. There’s a new Chat Noir now, her child is deep into the ground and she’ll never see them again. But Alya’s tired.

She’s tired of suppressing anger whenever Nino and Marinette are in the room. Tired of pretending she’s not bitter that she was excluded from major decisions involving her life.

So she takes all of Neo’s stuff, throws in some of her own and disappears. Her phone is left on her bedside table, but her laptop is coming with her. Most of her clothes are still in her closet, with only a few of her favorites packed.

She doesn’t know where she’s headed, but she’s ready for a change. And it’s time she was allowed to make her decisions, allowed to dictate her life herself.

Nino and Marinette don’t get that power anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me @queerinette or my writings at @awrittentypeofchemistry


End file.
